Growing up with narcissistic parents can be traumatizing for children, only realizing the abuse and manipulation once they get older. It is often recommended to undergo treatment and to practice self-love as an individual tries to recover from the trauma afflicted by their abusers. Once people become aware of what happened to them in the past, they are more likely to avoid repeating the actions of their parents to their own children.
In some relationships, going no contact or separating from your parents and their enablers is the greatest form of self-preservation because of the arrangement to totally prevent them from causing harm. You will finally have control over your needs and preferences, and possibly be more assertive in what you want since this exercise allows you to practice having boundaries when it comes to your connections with the other people in your life.
Unfortunately, this is not a pleasant experience for a lot of individuals. There will be self-doubt, guilt, grief, and readjustment as you switch from a relationship where you were abused and manipulated to one that is unconditionally kind and loving.
Here are some experiences to expect once you decide on cutting off any means of communication with your parents:
Searching For A Roof Over Your Head
Once you decide to be on your own, you might need to relocate so that you can maintain the boundaries you have set before going no contact. Whether it was implied or stated clearly, assigning a physical boundary all to yourself will help with the healing process. It can be challenging to find a home under unexpected circumstances, and possibly with not a lot left in your pocket.
However, when you have the intent to purchase your own home to maintain a physical boundary, you will need to know the best mortgage rates so that you can afford one. Remember, it is important to have a place to yourself where they cannot find you and continue the harm they have caused in the past. You will need to be able to support yourself if you were not already doing so before you decided to end any form of communication with them.
You will constantly doubt yourself if you are doing the right thing. Your brain can put on some rose-colored glasses for a retroactive view of your past, reminding you of the good times and making you forget the reasons why you decided to go no contact in the first place. Then, you will start to feel guilty for developing a hostile attitude toward your parents.
One way to keep yourself from reverting to a relationship with your abuser is to write down everything you can remember about what they did to you in the past. Try to recall the reasons why you decided to establish boundaries in the first place and write, in another note, what you think might happen if you decided to talk to them again. This exercise will provide you with the ability to reason with yourself in the future if you start to experience doubt, helping you maintain your boundaries.
Grieving For A Family You Never Had
When you realize that your parents should have been kinder to you growing up and that they will never be the typical providers like other non-narcissistic parents, you should know that grieving is a crucial part of your healing. Although there may be some wishful thinking involved since there is a slight chance that they could somehow become better human beings, you should allow yourself to grieve for the childhood you never had.
After all, you were deprived of love and value. That is a difficult experience for anyone to have, let alone for a child. You should give yourself the opportunity to cry and wish for a better life, but, eventually, accept that your parents missed their chance. You will start to appreciate your strength better because grieving is part of developing emotional resiliency. By creating an avenue for acceptance, you can start to grow healthier connections with other people.
Emotionally separating yourself from your family is tough, especially if you have no one else to rely on. You will need to fend for yourself; physically, mentally, and financially. It will not be easy. But, once you give yourself the chance to value yourself and develop boundaries, you can start to live the rest of your life with minimal impact from the trauma that your parents would have caused otherwise.